i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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