you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
