I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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