Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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