Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
