You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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