You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
