And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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