if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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