Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
