my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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