My hand turned me down
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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