I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
