At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
