Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
