this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
