Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
