The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
