dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
