When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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