Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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