Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
now i know why i became what i already was.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
