I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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