I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize