i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
