when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
