dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
