I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
