Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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