let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
