with your own penis?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
