By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
