I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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