How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
