I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
