first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
