i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
