im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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