he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
smell my finger.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
