I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this is an emotional support booty call
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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