Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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