so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
