He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
