I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
