Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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