I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
