I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the condom got lost in my hair
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
