i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she told me i tasted like america
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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