I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
