I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
