when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
