So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
