Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
