I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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