I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
